During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.
The first victim is a close friend of mine. A college student who we will hide under the name, Johnson. Who is Johnson? Johnson's a college student, he's filipino, he likes sports, he's got a really upbeat personality, very down to earth, and a free spirited young man. He's 19ish years old and he's got a lot of friends. Johnson is your everyday healthy college boy. For a healthy college boy, he is a good product of well-- (for the lack of a better term)an unorthodox family setting.
His parents got separated with him at a very young age. He's got two rooms in two houses, two homes. Everyday he chooses which house to come home to, his father's or mother's. This has been left to his discretion ever since he turned seventeen. He's got two brothers, and two other step-siblings. He loves his parents equally, and has understood the terms of their situation, separated. His step-family (mom's side) treats him the same way they'd treat any blood relative. His mom and dad meet from time to time, civil conversations over coffee or dinner. Although they no longer share the same love they once had for each other, they love Johnson, and have restructured and have completely overhauled their life to better accommodate the life of their kids.
So what did he have to say about divorce.
When I asked Johnson, how he felt having a relatively "big" family he said--
"I don't actually know how to answer the question since I've never really had a small family. I was also too young to remember how it felt being in a "small" family. Ikaw ba, how do you feel living with a (relatively) normal family?"
Johnson felt secure, indifferent from everyone else. He did not think of himself or of his family different than what others felt. Which is a good thing.
When asked about divorce and annulment and which one he preferred more, he said--
"Pareho lang siguro, kung divorce o annulment. Pareho lang din namang separation eh. Pareho lang rin sila ng gustong gawin. Depende nalang din sa sitwasyon ng tao. Kasi paminsan talaga baka kelanganin ng mom-- or pati na rin siguro dad ng protection at saka more valid terms for separation. Paminsan naman, hindi na. So depende nalang din. Katulad siguro ni Mama at saka ni Papa na hindi na kinailangan ng documents or process para i-dictate kung papaano dapat sila maghihiwalay, pero hindi lahat ganun."
He explained two clear points. People are very different (1), who deal with problems differently(2). What does this mean? Johnson, throughout beyond his quoted lines, believed that both options should be provided to families in need. He believed that there was also a need to accommodate a variety of possible scenarios by the country's legislation. He also said that most people blindside the fact that some relationships never work out, but they don't necessarily have to end up badly.
"Tingnan moko? Okay naman ako diba?"
Sometimes having proper options to choose from, for that matter, having more options affected the changes that comes with separation. Why not provide both? Both Annulment and Divorce. It tries to solve the same problem, and provide treatment to the same wound.
"Kung kailangan divorce? Bakit hindi? Eh kung kailangan ng Annulment? O, bakit hindi rin. Naiintindihan ko ng onti yung feelings nung mga taong naghihiwalay, at paminsan talaga, kailangan ng pagpipilian at saka tamang guidance legally. Kaya yun."
Thanks Johnson.
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