I've decided to stick with the oldschool introduction, just so you know.. we don't forget about the parameters of these testimonies. It does not have any form of research framework, WALA. NOTHING. just saying HAHA. -disclaimer
During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.
Why not interview the underclass heroes of this country. People who have not necessarily finished formal schooling, but have been the backbone of this country's workforce. Underclass heroes like Kuya Oscar. Kuya Oscar is a family man. He loves his wife Josi, and his kid, Becky. He drives for a living. He's a little slow on directions and instructions, but neverthe less, his good personality is unquestionable. For people like Kuya Oscar, whose primary guide for ethical and moral decisions are based on what the government and Church tells him, he is one of the millions of Filipinos who are directly affected by possible legislations like the RHB and the Divorce Bill. I just had to ask Kuya Oscar what he thought about the topic.
Kuya, sa tingin mo ba OK ang Divorce sa Pilipinas?
"Ah eh, Okay lang naman. Parang Annulment lang yun diba? Tama ba?"
Tama kuya, but only up to a very limited extent. Kuya Oscar doesn't know much about how these things really work. Kuya Oscar, along with the great majority of the Philippines' population. They know little about the details and technicalities that specific bills like these consist of. This has nothing to do about his intellect, but the lack of information provided by the necessary people to the necessary people. And this puts the burden on the people who decide for them. For example the next Q & A.
After explaining what the differences were between divorce and annulment, I asked Kuya Oscar again.
"Ano ba panig ng simbahan? Kasi diba? Hindi ko naman alam gaano yang mga yan. Baka magkasala pa ako. Pero mahal ko naman pamilya ko, so hindi naman siguro. Hehe."
The next point is how huge the influence of the Church is to Filipinos. And the Church should understand this. That they are responsible for the many many lives of Filipinos like Kuya Oscar who depend on the Church for moral instruction.
"Siguro okay lang naman. Kung hiwalay odi hiwalay. Pero dapat hindi ganoon. Kawawa naman kasi yung mga bata."
Exactly. And this is the unadulterated glimpse on how people usually think. But people who know better should and have analyzed the problems better. People from the government, influential professionals and from the Church. Without necessarily having a stand, these people rely on both the State and the Church to provide them and guide them with choices and options. The testimony from Kuya Oscar just emphasizes the great ordeal and effect these bills have on many Filipinos without them having been completely aware of it.
This is the Philippines, whether its wrong or right, this really is the reality we live in.
Thank you Kuya Oscar.
Monday, 18 July 2011
Just Another Testimony (Rina)
Yup, just another Testimony, from friends and family. Its really amazing how much people know, and how much wisdom they have based on the things that they've been through. Even more amazing how much you learn from the very different ways they perceive things, and how they turn out to be amazing and intriguing individuals. I kinda feel lucky having interviewed and known all of them, I hope there is someone else besides me who appreciate what they have to say. ANYWAY. Here is another personality.
This entry's next guest, Rina. A college student, and a close friend of mine. She likes music, and has a knack for wearing big dirty looking shirts. She loves boys with scruff, and girls who have a nice rack. She also loves her friends, and family. She enjoys eating and sleeping. She's one of the most peculiar and interesting people i know, I say this in the best possible manner possible (get it?). She's a playful kid, who cannot be measured completely by the world's social yardstick. She's a very strong girl, who's got an equally strong personality. It took me a while to get her to talk about serious stuff, as she usually, well-- never gives a shit.
Rina's parents have been separated for a pretty long time. Unlike most stories, Rina ended up with Daddy "Big Boy", a very "macho" person. She has struggled during the separation, and have experienced the stress separation can cause to children. But she has recently come into terms with reality, and have had to go through a number of ways for coping. Her accounts come from a first a hand experience of just how bad separation can be for a kid. Her views on the matter:
How do you feel about divorce?
"Pareho lang. Same as any separation other form of separation."
Are you against it or for it?
"Hindi ko alam eh. Kasi, against din talaga ako sa separation. But then again, you know. Sometimes may mas deserving ng protection and support, like the kids. Sana rin kasi diba, may parang way to compensate yung iniwan, kesa sa nangiwan. Parang, for example, dapat may agreement rin na yung support constant parin, especially kapag may kids."
Soooo?
"I might be pro. Hahahahaha"
She has a point. Most cases of divorce, doesn't start out mutually. And that sometimes, there are people in fault, or there are parties that have to endure more responsibility for asking to haul ass and leave. There should be protection and support agreements that ease and balance out exits.
Do you want kids?
"Nope."
Husband?
"Nope. not really."
Sure?
"For now at least. I'm not supposed to be thinking about this shit. Cmon man"
Might be just coincidence that Rina chooses not to aspire for marriage and kids, or might not. Intriguing tho, don't you think?
Anyway.
Thank You Rina.
This entry's next guest, Rina. A college student, and a close friend of mine. She likes music, and has a knack for wearing big dirty looking shirts. She loves boys with scruff, and girls who have a nice rack. She also loves her friends, and family. She enjoys eating and sleeping. She's one of the most peculiar and interesting people i know, I say this in the best possible manner possible (get it?). She's a playful kid, who cannot be measured completely by the world's social yardstick. She's a very strong girl, who's got an equally strong personality. It took me a while to get her to talk about serious stuff, as she usually, well-- never gives a shit.
Rina's parents have been separated for a pretty long time. Unlike most stories, Rina ended up with Daddy "Big Boy", a very "macho" person. She has struggled during the separation, and have experienced the stress separation can cause to children. But she has recently come into terms with reality, and have had to go through a number of ways for coping. Her accounts come from a first a hand experience of just how bad separation can be for a kid. Her views on the matter:
How do you feel about divorce?
"Pareho lang. Same as any separation other form of separation."
Are you against it or for it?
"Hindi ko alam eh. Kasi, against din talaga ako sa separation. But then again, you know. Sometimes may mas deserving ng protection and support, like the kids. Sana rin kasi diba, may parang way to compensate yung iniwan, kesa sa nangiwan. Parang, for example, dapat may agreement rin na yung support constant parin, especially kapag may kids."
Soooo?
"I might be pro. Hahahahaha"
She has a point. Most cases of divorce, doesn't start out mutually. And that sometimes, there are people in fault, or there are parties that have to endure more responsibility for asking to haul ass and leave. There should be protection and support agreements that ease and balance out exits.
Do you want kids?
"Nope."
Husband?
"Nope. not really."
Sure?
"For now at least. I'm not supposed to be thinking about this shit. Cmon man"
Might be just coincidence that Rina chooses not to aspire for marriage and kids, or might not. Intriguing tho, don't you think?
Anyway.
Thank You Rina.
Just Another Testimony (Tita Armin)
Yup, just another Testimony, from friends and family. Its amazing how much people know, and how much people have been through. Even more amazing how much you learn from the very different ways they perceive things, and how they turn out to be amazing and intriguing individuals. I'm lucky enough to have interviewed one of my most respected persons in the world, who so happens to be a really close relative, Tita Armin. This is her story, personally, who at the present sits at a very morally questionable crossroad.
Tita Armin (not her real name, which should be no longer a surprise) is a Mom of four college kids. She is a Widow, and has been for 8 years now. She's a very smart and compassionate woman, who (almost) singlehandedly raised four kids to become very independent and capable, young adults. She goes to Church, is the director of the Choir and Worship committee, and is a very devout Christian. However, her predicament raises a lot of questions, as she is currently in love and in an affair with a married man, a very old friend. Tito dicky, the married man, is currently on the rocks with his wife, but loves both Armin and his family. Why is this information relevant? Because it shows in her answers, and what her thoughts are about the topic.
I asked her about what her views were about divorce, this was her response.
"Divorce is only a means to a choice. A choice that is neither right or wrong. Mahirap, kasi hindi mo talaga malalagyan ng standard ang desisyon ng tao. In the end, they will always have choices and the causality of these decisions. Whether or not its necessary, depends on who we're dealing with, but when we're dealing with a great population of people with a myriad of different possible scenarios, there should be more options that are able to accommodate them."
True. But doesn't the Church strongly say no to divorce? Isn't it against the teachings of scriptures?
"The Roman Catholic Church strongly disagrees. But I believe, that right and wrong can't be laid down as a standard which the Church in fact strongly fights for. The reality is, that there are many possible truths, individual truths, truths that sometimes don't make sense to other people, and sometimes do. The Church has to learn to accept this fact, that the world isn't two dimensional. Hindi siya black and white. The Bible has accommodated this truth, and its the same drive that has given it its girth to last many generations"
Strong.
"People make mistakes, and sometimes they are necessary. We make choices, that seem both wrong and right. The same way Romeo and Juliet, or Robin Hood, or other characters that were confronted with both admiration and detest cannot be judged or categorized into one absolute truth. Ganun din sa relationships. Diba? Love cannot be considered wrong, it has no standards. Love can push for divorce if it wanted to and still justified the choice. I'm just saying that people are confronted with tough choices, and that there should be options provided, and that there should be enough responsibility from people to determine and judge accordingly. There is no right and wrong way of dealing with things, and divorce is no exception."
I got nothin.
Thank you Tita Armin
Tita Armin (not her real name, which should be no longer a surprise) is a Mom of four college kids. She is a Widow, and has been for 8 years now. She's a very smart and compassionate woman, who (almost) singlehandedly raised four kids to become very independent and capable, young adults. She goes to Church, is the director of the Choir and Worship committee, and is a very devout Christian. However, her predicament raises a lot of questions, as she is currently in love and in an affair with a married man, a very old friend. Tito dicky, the married man, is currently on the rocks with his wife, but loves both Armin and his family. Why is this information relevant? Because it shows in her answers, and what her thoughts are about the topic.
I asked her about what her views were about divorce, this was her response.
"Divorce is only a means to a choice. A choice that is neither right or wrong. Mahirap, kasi hindi mo talaga malalagyan ng standard ang desisyon ng tao. In the end, they will always have choices and the causality of these decisions. Whether or not its necessary, depends on who we're dealing with, but when we're dealing with a great population of people with a myriad of different possible scenarios, there should be more options that are able to accommodate them."
True. But doesn't the Church strongly say no to divorce? Isn't it against the teachings of scriptures?
"The Roman Catholic Church strongly disagrees. But I believe, that right and wrong can't be laid down as a standard which the Church in fact strongly fights for. The reality is, that there are many possible truths, individual truths, truths that sometimes don't make sense to other people, and sometimes do. The Church has to learn to accept this fact, that the world isn't two dimensional. Hindi siya black and white. The Bible has accommodated this truth, and its the same drive that has given it its girth to last many generations"
Strong.
"People make mistakes, and sometimes they are necessary. We make choices, that seem both wrong and right. The same way Romeo and Juliet, or Robin Hood, or other characters that were confronted with both admiration and detest cannot be judged or categorized into one absolute truth. Ganun din sa relationships. Diba? Love cannot be considered wrong, it has no standards. Love can push for divorce if it wanted to and still justified the choice. I'm just saying that people are confronted with tough choices, and that there should be options provided, and that there should be enough responsibility from people to determine and judge accordingly. There is no right and wrong way of dealing with things, and divorce is no exception."
I got nothin.
Thank you Tita Armin
Just Another Testimony (Tita Anna)
During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.
The next person I got a chance to talk to, and I've been talking to a lot of people, is a mother. Si Tita Anna, which is also not her real name. (Secretly amused by thinking up aliases. sharing.) Tita Anna is a mother to a single daughter, Lisa. She is the wife of a romantic musician, who plays good folk music in bars and lounges for a living. She is also a regular Church goer, she works as a clerk for a bank, and is content with her life. She enjoys people, and enjoys long conversations. She is my Tita, and she is a very compassionate person, which shows in her answers. She is against the Divorce bill but is Pro RHB, which is new to me. Here is her say on a few things about the topic.
"Masaya akong tao, pero that doesn't mean that I haven't experienced hard times in life. My family and my relationship with them is no exception. Pero naniniwala kasi ako sa kapasidad ng tao eh. Hindi mo naman kailangang maging matalino o mabilis para makagawa ng mga mabubuting desisyon. Kaya ako against sa Divorce."
She further explained how people, even under tough situations, especially Filipinos, have the ability to endure hardship. Which I believed and shared to her, was a double edged quality. She believed otherwise.
"Iba rin kasi ang resilience. Being resilient means that you get to learn and accomplish things dahil hindi mo piniling mag-give up. Which is an outstanding quality of Filipino families."
True. But, there should be a fine line between being resilient, and being abused, which she also admitted was necessary.
"I am aware of the growing number of separations, but can you blame me for believing that love is stronger than any legislation?"
It was a breath of fresh air talking to a person who had a very positive way of thinking. I admire Tita Anna. She knew what she was talking about. She had experienced hardship and trials between her and her husband, but her resilience fueled their relationship.
"I'm proof diba? That love really works. And that marriages should be given that chance, no matter how bad it is, they should always be provided a chance to grow and learn from trials. Kasi ganoon talaga ang pagmamahal" (cheesy, hahahaha)
As much as it is very ideological, wouldn't we also want to believe that Filipino families are made stronger by trial and growth. That there is actually hope for every family, regardless of the situation. It's a long shot, but doesn't it make life brighter knowing that some people really do believe in the old-school way of looking at love. The Beatles couldn't have summed up that ideology by singing "All you need is love, Love is all you need."
"Diba? Tao lang din tayo, at kung bibigyan lang ng easy way out lahat ng couples, eh papaano nalang tayo niyan? I have faith in people, and their capacity to love. Don't you?"
I'd like to think I do.
Thank you Tita Anna.
The next person I got a chance to talk to, and I've been talking to a lot of people, is a mother. Si Tita Anna, which is also not her real name. (Secretly amused by thinking up aliases. sharing.) Tita Anna is a mother to a single daughter, Lisa. She is the wife of a romantic musician, who plays good folk music in bars and lounges for a living. She is also a regular Church goer, she works as a clerk for a bank, and is content with her life. She enjoys people, and enjoys long conversations. She is my Tita, and she is a very compassionate person, which shows in her answers. She is against the Divorce bill but is Pro RHB, which is new to me. Here is her say on a few things about the topic.
"Masaya akong tao, pero that doesn't mean that I haven't experienced hard times in life. My family and my relationship with them is no exception. Pero naniniwala kasi ako sa kapasidad ng tao eh. Hindi mo naman kailangang maging matalino o mabilis para makagawa ng mga mabubuting desisyon. Kaya ako against sa Divorce."
She further explained how people, even under tough situations, especially Filipinos, have the ability to endure hardship. Which I believed and shared to her, was a double edged quality. She believed otherwise.
"Iba rin kasi ang resilience. Being resilient means that you get to learn and accomplish things dahil hindi mo piniling mag-give up. Which is an outstanding quality of Filipino families."
True. But, there should be a fine line between being resilient, and being abused, which she also admitted was necessary.
"I am aware of the growing number of separations, but can you blame me for believing that love is stronger than any legislation?"
It was a breath of fresh air talking to a person who had a very positive way of thinking. I admire Tita Anna. She knew what she was talking about. She had experienced hardship and trials between her and her husband, but her resilience fueled their relationship.
"I'm proof diba? That love really works. And that marriages should be given that chance, no matter how bad it is, they should always be provided a chance to grow and learn from trials. Kasi ganoon talaga ang pagmamahal" (cheesy, hahahaha)
As much as it is very ideological, wouldn't we also want to believe that Filipino families are made stronger by trial and growth. That there is actually hope for every family, regardless of the situation. It's a long shot, but doesn't it make life brighter knowing that some people really do believe in the old-school way of looking at love. The Beatles couldn't have summed up that ideology by singing "All you need is love, Love is all you need."
"Diba? Tao lang din tayo, at kung bibigyan lang ng easy way out lahat ng couples, eh papaano nalang tayo niyan? I have faith in people, and their capacity to love. Don't you?"
I'd like to think I do.
Thank you Tita Anna.
Just Another Testimony -Uncle Ramon
During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.
The second installment to the series of testimonies, is a Father, a dad to three children, and a husband to a loving wife. He is a doctor, who loves taking pictures, and enjoys the occasional trip to the gym. He is a good dad who works during the day, has dinner with his family at night, and spends time helping the kids with daily lessons. He's my uncle, who, for conversation's sake, will be named Uncle Ramon. Uncle Ramon gladly shared his views on the matter. He's openly pro-divorce (pro RHB too, sharing.) and has a few things to say about the topic.
"Una sa lahat, dapat divided ang gobyerno tsaka simbahan. Dapat dalawang magkaibang entity yan. Hindi pupuwedeng tutulan ng simbahan ang mga desisyong pambayan, at hindi lamang pang Kristyano. I go to Church every Sunday, I bring my kids and family to Church, but I also know that there are parts of and people in the Philippines who need certain legislations as guides to help mediate conflicts. Hindi naman tanga ang gobyerno eh (yung iilan lang sakanila)."
I could have not agreed more Uncle Ramon. The government does what it thinks is best for the country. The Church is a strong and good influence to people, but it should not hinder different kinds of legislation for ideology's sake.
"Hindi paraiso ang mundong to. Shit happens, and the Church only acknowledges this up to a certain extent. Sometimes this leads them to a much narrow minded thinking, which does not usually well with constantly changing times. Diba kaya nga nadivide ang Church at saka State, for the sake of progress."
True enough.
"Sa trabaho ko (Doctor), I get to converse with people on a daily basis. Hindi niyo alam kung gaano kadami ng pasyente ko ang biktima ng marital violence. Naging kultura na ito, na dapat tolerant lang tayong lahat. Eh papaano naman yun, hindi na tolerance yun eh, oppression na. We really need to restructure the way we think."
Word.
"At isa pa. I love my kids, and I love my family. Pero when the time comes (na sana hindi naman mangyari) na hindi na kami good terms with my wife, I want what's best for both her and my family. At paminsan, hindi na pupuwedeng personal judgement nalang. Laging papasok ang bias ko sa sarili ko, ganun rin siguro sa ibang mga cases. Kailangan talaga ng mediating entity at saka legislation."
You have a good point sir.
Thank you, Uncle Ramon.
The second installment to the series of testimonies, is a Father, a dad to three children, and a husband to a loving wife. He is a doctor, who loves taking pictures, and enjoys the occasional trip to the gym. He is a good dad who works during the day, has dinner with his family at night, and spends time helping the kids with daily lessons. He's my uncle, who, for conversation's sake, will be named Uncle Ramon. Uncle Ramon gladly shared his views on the matter. He's openly pro-divorce (pro RHB too, sharing.) and has a few things to say about the topic.
"Una sa lahat, dapat divided ang gobyerno tsaka simbahan. Dapat dalawang magkaibang entity yan. Hindi pupuwedeng tutulan ng simbahan ang mga desisyong pambayan, at hindi lamang pang Kristyano. I go to Church every Sunday, I bring my kids and family to Church, but I also know that there are parts of and people in the Philippines who need certain legislations as guides to help mediate conflicts. Hindi naman tanga ang gobyerno eh (yung iilan lang sakanila)."
I could have not agreed more Uncle Ramon. The government does what it thinks is best for the country. The Church is a strong and good influence to people, but it should not hinder different kinds of legislation for ideology's sake.
"Hindi paraiso ang mundong to. Shit happens, and the Church only acknowledges this up to a certain extent. Sometimes this leads them to a much narrow minded thinking, which does not usually well with constantly changing times. Diba kaya nga nadivide ang Church at saka State, for the sake of progress."
True enough.
"Sa trabaho ko (Doctor), I get to converse with people on a daily basis. Hindi niyo alam kung gaano kadami ng pasyente ko ang biktima ng marital violence. Naging kultura na ito, na dapat tolerant lang tayong lahat. Eh papaano naman yun, hindi na tolerance yun eh, oppression na. We really need to restructure the way we think."
Word.
"At isa pa. I love my kids, and I love my family. Pero when the time comes (na sana hindi naman mangyari) na hindi na kami good terms with my wife, I want what's best for both her and my family. At paminsan, hindi na pupuwedeng personal judgement nalang. Laging papasok ang bias ko sa sarili ko, ganun rin siguro sa ibang mga cases. Kailangan talaga ng mediating entity at saka legislation."
You have a good point sir.
Thank you, Uncle Ramon.
Just Another Testimony (Johnson)
During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.
The first victim is a close friend of mine. A college student who we will hide under the name, Johnson. Who is Johnson? Johnson's a college student, he's filipino, he likes sports, he's got a really upbeat personality, very down to earth, and a free spirited young man. He's 19ish years old and he's got a lot of friends. Johnson is your everyday healthy college boy. For a healthy college boy, he is a good product of well-- (for the lack of a better term)an unorthodox family setting.
His parents got separated with him at a very young age. He's got two rooms in two houses, two homes. Everyday he chooses which house to come home to, his father's or mother's. This has been left to his discretion ever since he turned seventeen. He's got two brothers, and two other step-siblings. He loves his parents equally, and has understood the terms of their situation, separated. His step-family (mom's side) treats him the same way they'd treat any blood relative. His mom and dad meet from time to time, civil conversations over coffee or dinner. Although they no longer share the same love they once had for each other, they love Johnson, and have restructured and have completely overhauled their life to better accommodate the life of their kids.
So what did he have to say about divorce.
When I asked Johnson, how he felt having a relatively "big" family he said--
"I don't actually know how to answer the question since I've never really had a small family. I was also too young to remember how it felt being in a "small" family. Ikaw ba, how do you feel living with a (relatively) normal family?"
Johnson felt secure, indifferent from everyone else. He did not think of himself or of his family different than what others felt. Which is a good thing.
When asked about divorce and annulment and which one he preferred more, he said--
"Pareho lang siguro, kung divorce o annulment. Pareho lang din namang separation eh. Pareho lang rin sila ng gustong gawin. Depende nalang din sa sitwasyon ng tao. Kasi paminsan talaga baka kelanganin ng mom-- or pati na rin siguro dad ng protection at saka more valid terms for separation. Paminsan naman, hindi na. So depende nalang din. Katulad siguro ni Mama at saka ni Papa na hindi na kinailangan ng documents or process para i-dictate kung papaano dapat sila maghihiwalay, pero hindi lahat ganun."
He explained two clear points. People are very different (1), who deal with problems differently(2). What does this mean? Johnson, throughout beyond his quoted lines, believed that both options should be provided to families in need. He believed that there was also a need to accommodate a variety of possible scenarios by the country's legislation. He also said that most people blindside the fact that some relationships never work out, but they don't necessarily have to end up badly.
"Tingnan moko? Okay naman ako diba?"
Sometimes having proper options to choose from, for that matter, having more options affected the changes that comes with separation. Why not provide both? Both Annulment and Divorce. It tries to solve the same problem, and provide treatment to the same wound.
"Kung kailangan divorce? Bakit hindi? Eh kung kailangan ng Annulment? O, bakit hindi rin. Naiintindihan ko ng onti yung feelings nung mga taong naghihiwalay, at paminsan talaga, kailangan ng pagpipilian at saka tamang guidance legally. Kaya yun."
Thanks Johnson.
The first victim is a close friend of mine. A college student who we will hide under the name, Johnson. Who is Johnson? Johnson's a college student, he's filipino, he likes sports, he's got a really upbeat personality, very down to earth, and a free spirited young man. He's 19ish years old and he's got a lot of friends. Johnson is your everyday healthy college boy. For a healthy college boy, he is a good product of well-- (for the lack of a better term)an unorthodox family setting.
His parents got separated with him at a very young age. He's got two rooms in two houses, two homes. Everyday he chooses which house to come home to, his father's or mother's. This has been left to his discretion ever since he turned seventeen. He's got two brothers, and two other step-siblings. He loves his parents equally, and has understood the terms of their situation, separated. His step-family (mom's side) treats him the same way they'd treat any blood relative. His mom and dad meet from time to time, civil conversations over coffee or dinner. Although they no longer share the same love they once had for each other, they love Johnson, and have restructured and have completely overhauled their life to better accommodate the life of their kids.
So what did he have to say about divorce.
When I asked Johnson, how he felt having a relatively "big" family he said--
"I don't actually know how to answer the question since I've never really had a small family. I was also too young to remember how it felt being in a "small" family. Ikaw ba, how do you feel living with a (relatively) normal family?"
Johnson felt secure, indifferent from everyone else. He did not think of himself or of his family different than what others felt. Which is a good thing.
When asked about divorce and annulment and which one he preferred more, he said--
"Pareho lang siguro, kung divorce o annulment. Pareho lang din namang separation eh. Pareho lang rin sila ng gustong gawin. Depende nalang din sa sitwasyon ng tao. Kasi paminsan talaga baka kelanganin ng mom-- or pati na rin siguro dad ng protection at saka more valid terms for separation. Paminsan naman, hindi na. So depende nalang din. Katulad siguro ni Mama at saka ni Papa na hindi na kinailangan ng documents or process para i-dictate kung papaano dapat sila maghihiwalay, pero hindi lahat ganun."
He explained two clear points. People are very different (1), who deal with problems differently(2). What does this mean? Johnson, throughout beyond his quoted lines, believed that both options should be provided to families in need. He believed that there was also a need to accommodate a variety of possible scenarios by the country's legislation. He also said that most people blindside the fact that some relationships never work out, but they don't necessarily have to end up badly.
"Tingnan moko? Okay naman ako diba?"
Sometimes having proper options to choose from, for that matter, having more options affected the changes that comes with separation. Why not provide both? Both Annulment and Divorce. It tries to solve the same problem, and provide treatment to the same wound.
"Kung kailangan divorce? Bakit hindi? Eh kung kailangan ng Annulment? O, bakit hindi rin. Naiintindihan ko ng onti yung feelings nung mga taong naghihiwalay, at paminsan talaga, kailangan ng pagpipilian at saka tamang guidance legally. Kaya yun."
Thanks Johnson.
Monday, 20 June 2011
The Pursuit of Happiness
The pursuit of Happiness may not always sport such a happy route. As seen in the movie, yes you guessed it, Pursuit of Happiness, Will Smith endured a seemingly endless series of unfortunate events before arriving to a well-deserved contentment. It is similar to how I imagine the experiences couples have going through divorce. But let us not forget that divorce, as bad as it sounds is a remedial process.
People attach different kinds of feelings to the word divorce. Feelings such as guilt, regret, sorrow etc. People tend to forget that divorce is a process for setting things straight. We tend to forget that separation is but a means to a much desirable end. Do not get me wrong, I don’t mean that divorce is something to look forward to. Since weddings really are thought to be the pinnacle of love and joyful things. I don’t think any ever dreams that their marriage end in divorce, but let us not forget why people divorce in the first place.
Regardless of how you look at any situation whether if its cheating, domestic violence, etc. it’ll only lead to a sort of common cause, incompatibility. The thing is that you can’t treat marital separation as an “I told you so” predicament. It doesn’t happen that way. Unhappy marriages (more often than not) can’t be anticipated. But it does happen, more often that we want to. And its as real as it gets when we say that “shit happens”. Would you blame it on a person to want to be liberated from shit? From an unhappy marriage? Wouldn’t you want a friend whose experiencing bad treatment from his/her partner a second chance to a better life? You would, and a means to be liberated is divorce.
Let us not forget that the goal of having a divorce, of continually recalibrating its legislation or any legislation for that fact, is to help facilitate the pursuit for a better life. The process might be messy, but the goal is to give justice and opportunity to the people involved. Its giving a kid a better future, its to give people another shot at a better marriage, its giving justice to a battered mother etc. Divorce helps pave the way to many things. The law was drafted not to give people pain in the ass, rather to provide a system that tries to alleviate it. Yes sure, it has its faults. The time you have to consider just waiting is insane. But if you look at it this way, that it ensures that you’ve exhausted any other possible way to keep your relationship afloat. It’s a drafted discomfort as a way to achieve freedom.
I believe that the healthiest way of looking at divorce, especially here in the Philippines, is that it provides options on how best to deal with cases of separation. The fact that there is divorce and not just annulment is a testament to what previous legislation can and can’t cover. Divorce isn’t a bad thing to begin with. It actually aims to provide the one thing we all want and need, happiness.
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