My thoughts by now.

After twenty-six posts, a good number of interviews, about fifty to sixty informative sites, a heated argument with a pastor, and nineteen years worth of experience, I deem myself Pro Divorce unless proven otherwise. I've made my decision. Here are a few of my reasons: 

• Divorce is an option that should be available to all couples. It provides a last resort for treating marriages that have gone utterly wrong. It deals with more possible scenarios as compared to its counterpart, Annulment. It has provisions for dividing property and debts, as well as determining custody, visitation, child support, and alimony.
• I believe that the Philippines is in need of Divorce. Yes, the Filipino family may be resilient, tolerant and strong, but sometimes some Filipino families beg for change. Say maybe a family with a battered wife, a cheating spouse, or a drunkard parent. We need means to deal with them. They are as real as they get. The present day setting would just oust them to be tolerant, resilient and strong, which by now we've determined isn't always completely productive or healthy.
• Ideology doesn't always cut it. Just cause ideal isn't always real. The Church should be aware of this more, and they should stop blocking these kinds of state intervention. There are reasons to the surfacing of the divorce bill and RHB now, and only now. It might just be cause the situation calls for it.
• If the greater majority of countries consider it, I don't think you can deem it stupid.
• I have friends who are kids, who wish they're parents had a way out. Most of them understand already the predicament of a dad that never comes home early, or a mom who drinks herself to the hospital. Divorce isn't always bad for the kids. There are ways to counter these effects, and there are professionals who know how.
• CAUSE SELF RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!
• It still is primarily, a means to be happy. Which in my book, isn't a problem. It's never too selfish to rid yourself of unnecessary assholes. 
• Cause shit really does happen.
• But it doesn't mean that things don't get better.
• The decision will always still be made by the people involved. Whether or not they push for divorce, annulment, or live happily ever after, is all under their power and discretion. No matter what the Church or any other Bill says. 

And for all intentions and purposes, this i my side of the coin. 

I don't think its as bad as it sounds. Divorce isn't all bad.

I think we should consider it.

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

I've been reading articles for a while now, and one thing I've come to be peeved about, is the sarcasm, prejudiced way of thinking and the very aggressive tone of the Catholic Church. I mean, sure, it's defending the sanctity of the family, but they're also bashing Gays, who are the more or less modern day gentiles and lepers. For people who represent the "good" side, they sure talk in such an annoying tone.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/18/world/asia/18iht-philippines18.html

Philippines Stands All but Alone in Banning Divorce

By CARLOS H. CONDE

Published: June 17, 2011

An article published by the New York Times narrating recent events and arguments against and for the bill. Similar to the earlier post, I have quoted several remarks that have forced my eyebrows to well-- raise. I mean come on. They're supposed to be the Church, yet they talk this way. 

“That is a distinction that we should all be very proud of,” Archbishop Cruz said. “It says that we are not one of those who believe the family can be destroyed.”

What does he mean by we are not of those? That's a pretty offensive line for an Archbishop to dish out. The comment alone refers to a degrading tone of disgust and a complete lack of control and patience. Archbishop Cruz, instead of explaining why they disapproved of the divorce resulted to the unnecessary comment that made the Church look all "high and mighty" when it is supposed to be practicing calm and empathized reasoning.

On the other end, a completely valid opinion from the opposition. It delivered their point without directly attacking the Church.

“The global reality is that divorce has been recognized as a legitimate option for couples, particularly for women, who are trapped in unhappy, even violent, unions,” said Luz Ilagan, a congresswoman representing the Gabriela Women’s Party and co-author of the bill. “If they can do it in Malta, we can do it here. Let us not remain in the Dark Ages.”

It's a pretty valid statement. 

The other thing that really pissed me off was this.

“What they will do next?” he asked in an interview. “Allow same-sex marriage here?”

Same offensive tone, and this time packing more heat. What do they have against gays, who don't necessarily play a role in the conversation. It was uncalled for. And for people who preach about helping the oppressed, they sure sound like the oppressor to me.

It's really been tough to read certain articles that should've more or less swayed me into considering more the side of the Church, yet it has done nothing but annoy and piss me off.

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH, if not, at least be able to PREACH CALMLY.

I mean really? Come on.

I Dunno, But This Doesn't Really Sound Too Convincing.

I was going through sites, when I found this an it-looks-like-a-promising-source-kind-of-site. Sadly, it wasn't as much as I hoped it to be. For something that popped up top on the search engine, this one's pretty weak. Thus the critique on the pretty weak arguments on this guy's article.


http://thedisciplers.com/divorce-in-the-philippines-say-no-to-it/


I mean really? Not to sound high and mighty on the guy but.. it isn't really convincing.


Let's start with..




"If you fear the Lord and his commands, there is no way that you will agree on divorce. This is not what God wants. As simple as it is. Even if some pastor and theologians quantify it as a “necessary amputation” as far as I remember what my American Theology professor said, I would say that divorce is divorce, and God hates it. It was only men who wants it, not God."


This smells of Bias and the inability to show even scriptural proof of how God viewed divorce. I mean come on, really? The dude is bashing pastors and theologians and all he provides is a "No" without a reason kind of explanation. (Not to mention bad grammar.) HE ALSO CITED HIS AMERICAN THEOLOGY PROFESSOR, WHO WE DO NOT KNOW. I mean, it would be understandable if he started with a disclaimer, but nope, this guy was full-on, no-divorce-cause-my-theology-professor-and-God-said-so. Which as far as I remember isn't the way to persuade people.


"It is not the answer to the growing violence against women and children. Most divorce advocates gives emphasis on the growing children and women abuse. But I really do not see it as a solution for these problems. In fact it extends to the growing problem of immorality and sexually related diseases and problems such as unwanted pregnancies and sexually related diseases. And I believe that you will agree with me that these problems are a threat to women, children and even family."


DIVORCE AND STD's? REALLY?! This guy is claiming every piece of property without a deed of sale, if you know what I mean. I have nothing against people who contradict the Divorce Bill, and I'm a Christian myself, but really? When you have a claim, you back it up. You don't really need to show a bunch of tests or a long list of statistics, just a clear rational and critical flow of ideas, and an explained way of thinking. WHICH IS NOT EVIDENT IN HIS BORDERLINE OFFENSIVE AND STUPID ARTICLE.


moving on..

"Here’s the summary of the advantages of divorce:

• Spouses will have a “second chance” for a happier life.
• Spouses will have a “second chance” for a non-violent life.
• …. “second chance”
• …. “second chance”
• …. “second chance”
• to be happy…
• to be happy…
• to be happy…."

Bro, come on. If you're trying to provide the perspective of both sides, can you try not being bias? or prejudiced? or sarcastic? or at least know what you're talking about. This guy is insane. It's people like this "discipler" that pave the way for falsely informed decision-making. He is also responsible for the negative perception of people on the Church, for perceiving them as blind irrational followers, which they are not. The Church has its good points. But this, clearly isn't one of them. 

The article, is bullshit, and the guy is insane.

Feel free to read the whole thing. Surprisingly, for a guy who speaks of Christianity and God, he pisses me off.

-- I have nothing against the Church and its contradictions on the Divorce Bill, I just really think this guy's article is insane. IT SHOULD NOT BE ON TOP OF THE RESULTS FOR DIVORCE IN THE PHILIPPINES! 

Burnout

Also one of the major causes of divorce is the phenomena, modern contemporary people call (a fancy name for the younger generation. hahaha), "burnout". Burnout like the name insists refers to the dying out of romance. Without any possible direct problem to point out to, burnout can be caused by a variety of things, such as the different individual changes a person has, or the factors brought by their current (as compared to their previous) situation. Burnout happens not only to married couples, but to couples in general. Its a very real-- thing. Which is pretty hard to explain.

Right! it was explained better by the movie "500 days of Summer" where in she referred to it as "Life happens" or life happening. Its the usual end to most relationships. And usually the "dead" end since not most couples are able to adapt or get over it.

For a better explanation, here's a song by Sugarfree. A prominent OPM band (that have recently just disbanded, sharing). It's a great song, with great lyrics, that has a very good emotional tune to it. The treatment is awesome, and without any background on the technicalities, i just think its a good song to explain the reality of the hardships couples have to go through. I mean really? What happens when the romance is gone? What happens when everything doesn't feel warm and fuzzy anymore. It doesn't mean that you don't love the person, its just that.. well.. a bad case of Burning out.  Here are the lyrics, and the link to the song. I really hope you'd listen to it, cause its really easier to get, rather than me explaining it.

Burnout
By Sugarfree

O wag kang tumingin
Ng ganyan sa ‘kin
Wag mo akong kulitin
Wag mo akong tanungin

Dahil katulad mo
Ako rin ay nagbago
Di na tayo katulad ng dati
Kay bilis ng sandali

O kay tagal kitang minahal
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/sugarfree/burnout.html ]
Kung iisipin mo
Di naman dati ganito
Teka muna teka lang
Kailan tayo nailang

Kung iisipin mo
Di naman dati ganito
Kay bilis kasi ng buhay
Pati tayo natangay

O kay tagal kitang minahal

Tinatawag kita
Sinusuyo kita
Di mo man marinig
Di mo man madama

O kay tagal kitang mamahalin

lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/sugarfree/#share7


Here is the link to the song. Go over the lyrics while listening. Solid experience.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C56WmFIvTPM

Stay Together for the Kids

"Stay Together for the Kids"
Blink 182
Is just one of the best "all time" hits from one of the most prominent bands in the late nineties to the early 2000, Blink 182. Still by far, my choice as the best punk-rock band ever (Sum 41 a very close second). This song is a perfect match for this blog. Mark Hoppus the bassist/vocalist, may have sung the chorus, and usually writes the songs, but it was Tom Delonge the guitarist/vocalist who wrote this particular one. It was released 2001, on their third album, "Take off your Pants and Jacket". The composer, Tom based both the tunes and the lyrics to his experience during his parents divorce in his early years.
The song if you've not hears it, tries to epitomize the feelings of the post divorce effects on a teenage boy. It sports a very sincere message despite the very loud treatment. The lyrics, which I posted under, speaks for itself, even without the sounds.

It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all.
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day.

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost.
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants and this is what 
she wants
Then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right 

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right x4 


Divorce deprives children of certain personal foundations and experiences. Its a very emotional account of just how bad or wrong it felt as a kid, for two of the most prominent figures splitting. So anyway, here's the link, just in case you'd spare the next three minutes to actually listening to the song. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1BFHYtZlAU


It's great song. The video, just as awesome. 

On Prevalent Themes and Personal Analysis

I've heard a lot from the testimonies, and have learned a lot also. So here is a quick run down on the many prevalent themes between the several testimonies shared. I will once again, disclaim my right for a academically justified analysis. Wala ako nun. This is just, me broadcasting thoughts. So, disclaimer aside, here are the things we've read. (Juuuust in case you've missed them, but I highly doubt anyone really is reading. Just saying)

Prevalent theme number one, the divorce bill should be passed to provide "More Options to accomodate More Situations". We've heard this from several different accounts. It is a very solid point. We've also seen from the different people we've sort of.. conversed with, an idea of just how different people can be. The background on each one alone is enough to provide the contrast that this idea is trying to point out. There must be a system that provides solutions not just to a specific public, but to many other necessary peoples.

Prevalent theme number two, "there should be a clear division between the Church and the State". Time and time again, people will always stress about the need to eliminate preference and bias when it comes to issues of the state. People should always acknowledge and respect the differences of other people. The Church should be more sensitive and responsible to its responsibility to be fair and just to everyone, even if it might means staying silence to ease the flow of intellectually sound decisions regardless of the bill's outcome. The Church has its points, we're aware of it, but it should stop there.

Love is still what fuels decisions inside the family. People still believe in the power of Love, and that most of the people that I've conversed with have put a great prime on Love being one of the main considerations of decisions. It may sound cheesy, but it has been a very prevalent answer don't you think? Love. The one bright hope for a happy and relatively healthy family.

So there you have it. We've said a lot of things, and we've heard a lot of them also. But here are just a few of the many things we've discussed. And now we get back to.. Yes, more testimonies. Cause its fun, informative, informal and pretty effective. HAHAHAHA.

Just Another Testimony (The Atheist)

Yup, just another Testimony, from friends and family. Its amazing how much people know, and how much people have been through. Even more amazing how much you learn from the very different ways they perceive things, and how they turn out to be amazing and intriguing individuals. Some of them more critical than the others. Like this guy for example.


The next guy on the list of many other testimonies (cause apparently, they're really fun to do) is "The Atheist". He's a cousin of mine who is in fact-- an atheist. He sees through all the "unnecessary", non-imperical and impractical things in life. He's a very critical boy, very young also. He's critical, but also very naive (I'd like to think so). He studies in Ateneo, and is the child of two very loving parents, Jethro and Ann. He likes to play the guitar, and loves the technical side and level of difficulty of musical parts (he loves the science in art, how ironic). He's a very unique personality, very frank, annoying sometimes, but you have to give him big points for sincerity and honesty. He is a very close friend of mine also. So I cornered him, and asked him his unadulterated view on things.


So.. The Atheist, what do you think about divorce?


"I think its practical. Mas marami siyang facets of separation na natatackle, at saka it provides the people with another option besides Annulment. Which is sort of stupid. Kasi its a very primitive way of dealing with things. 


You got a point there son. What else do you have?


"Well the Church is still stupid for being in denial of the things that happen in the country and in the world. Sure, they ask WHAT WOULD JESUS DO but sometimes they tend to forget that most of us ain't Jesus. We're not perfect, we don't know all the answers, and neither does the Church as an Institution."


Brutally frank, but, that is also a very solid point. Meron ka pa ba?


"We shouldn't always rely on the Church when it comes to decision making. That's what Filipinos lack, the backbone and assertiveness to make decisions for themselves. Sure, the Church makes sense, I was Christian once, and I've learned a lot from Sunday school. But divorce, and the RHB, is none of the Church's business. The institution wasn't built to decide for the government and block government interventions."


I've cleaned out the message, medyo marami siyang R18 na sinabi so.. there. But beyond his Atheist rants about the Church. He does have a point. It's not new to the previous testimonies, and that his opinion does indeed make sense. We'll give him that. 


"But then again, I have Christian parents who've raised me well. So I have nothing against Christian values. But not everyone can accommodate very critical decisions, and can responsibly fulfill Christian things. So there should still be guidance coming from laws from the State."


Yup, we got you the first time.


Thank You The Atheist