My thoughts by now.

After twenty-six posts, a good number of interviews, about fifty to sixty informative sites, a heated argument with a pastor, and nineteen years worth of experience, I deem myself Pro Divorce unless proven otherwise. I've made my decision. Here are a few of my reasons: 

• Divorce is an option that should be available to all couples. It provides a last resort for treating marriages that have gone utterly wrong. It deals with more possible scenarios as compared to its counterpart, Annulment. It has provisions for dividing property and debts, as well as determining custody, visitation, child support, and alimony.
• I believe that the Philippines is in need of Divorce. Yes, the Filipino family may be resilient, tolerant and strong, but sometimes some Filipino families beg for change. Say maybe a family with a battered wife, a cheating spouse, or a drunkard parent. We need means to deal with them. They are as real as they get. The present day setting would just oust them to be tolerant, resilient and strong, which by now we've determined isn't always completely productive or healthy.
• Ideology doesn't always cut it. Just cause ideal isn't always real. The Church should be aware of this more, and they should stop blocking these kinds of state intervention. There are reasons to the surfacing of the divorce bill and RHB now, and only now. It might just be cause the situation calls for it.
• If the greater majority of countries consider it, I don't think you can deem it stupid.
• I have friends who are kids, who wish they're parents had a way out. Most of them understand already the predicament of a dad that never comes home early, or a mom who drinks herself to the hospital. Divorce isn't always bad for the kids. There are ways to counter these effects, and there are professionals who know how.
• CAUSE SELF RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!
• It still is primarily, a means to be happy. Which in my book, isn't a problem. It's never too selfish to rid yourself of unnecessary assholes. 
• Cause shit really does happen.
• But it doesn't mean that things don't get better.
• The decision will always still be made by the people involved. Whether or not they push for divorce, annulment, or live happily ever after, is all under their power and discretion. No matter what the Church or any other Bill says. 

And for all intentions and purposes, this i my side of the coin. 

I don't think its as bad as it sounds. Divorce isn't all bad.

I think we should consider it.

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

I've been reading articles for a while now, and one thing I've come to be peeved about, is the sarcasm, prejudiced way of thinking and the very aggressive tone of the Catholic Church. I mean, sure, it's defending the sanctity of the family, but they're also bashing Gays, who are the more or less modern day gentiles and lepers. For people who represent the "good" side, they sure talk in such an annoying tone.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/18/world/asia/18iht-philippines18.html

Philippines Stands All but Alone in Banning Divorce

By CARLOS H. CONDE

Published: June 17, 2011

An article published by the New York Times narrating recent events and arguments against and for the bill. Similar to the earlier post, I have quoted several remarks that have forced my eyebrows to well-- raise. I mean come on. They're supposed to be the Church, yet they talk this way. 

“That is a distinction that we should all be very proud of,” Archbishop Cruz said. “It says that we are not one of those who believe the family can be destroyed.”

What does he mean by we are not of those? That's a pretty offensive line for an Archbishop to dish out. The comment alone refers to a degrading tone of disgust and a complete lack of control and patience. Archbishop Cruz, instead of explaining why they disapproved of the divorce resulted to the unnecessary comment that made the Church look all "high and mighty" when it is supposed to be practicing calm and empathized reasoning.

On the other end, a completely valid opinion from the opposition. It delivered their point without directly attacking the Church.

“The global reality is that divorce has been recognized as a legitimate option for couples, particularly for women, who are trapped in unhappy, even violent, unions,” said Luz Ilagan, a congresswoman representing the Gabriela Women’s Party and co-author of the bill. “If they can do it in Malta, we can do it here. Let us not remain in the Dark Ages.”

It's a pretty valid statement. 

The other thing that really pissed me off was this.

“What they will do next?” he asked in an interview. “Allow same-sex marriage here?”

Same offensive tone, and this time packing more heat. What do they have against gays, who don't necessarily play a role in the conversation. It was uncalled for. And for people who preach about helping the oppressed, they sure sound like the oppressor to me.

It's really been tough to read certain articles that should've more or less swayed me into considering more the side of the Church, yet it has done nothing but annoy and piss me off.

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH, if not, at least be able to PREACH CALMLY.

I mean really? Come on.

I Dunno, But This Doesn't Really Sound Too Convincing.

I was going through sites, when I found this an it-looks-like-a-promising-source-kind-of-site. Sadly, it wasn't as much as I hoped it to be. For something that popped up top on the search engine, this one's pretty weak. Thus the critique on the pretty weak arguments on this guy's article.


http://thedisciplers.com/divorce-in-the-philippines-say-no-to-it/


I mean really? Not to sound high and mighty on the guy but.. it isn't really convincing.


Let's start with..




"If you fear the Lord and his commands, there is no way that you will agree on divorce. This is not what God wants. As simple as it is. Even if some pastor and theologians quantify it as a “necessary amputation” as far as I remember what my American Theology professor said, I would say that divorce is divorce, and God hates it. It was only men who wants it, not God."


This smells of Bias and the inability to show even scriptural proof of how God viewed divorce. I mean come on, really? The dude is bashing pastors and theologians and all he provides is a "No" without a reason kind of explanation. (Not to mention bad grammar.) HE ALSO CITED HIS AMERICAN THEOLOGY PROFESSOR, WHO WE DO NOT KNOW. I mean, it would be understandable if he started with a disclaimer, but nope, this guy was full-on, no-divorce-cause-my-theology-professor-and-God-said-so. Which as far as I remember isn't the way to persuade people.


"It is not the answer to the growing violence against women and children. Most divorce advocates gives emphasis on the growing children and women abuse. But I really do not see it as a solution for these problems. In fact it extends to the growing problem of immorality and sexually related diseases and problems such as unwanted pregnancies and sexually related diseases. And I believe that you will agree with me that these problems are a threat to women, children and even family."


DIVORCE AND STD's? REALLY?! This guy is claiming every piece of property without a deed of sale, if you know what I mean. I have nothing against people who contradict the Divorce Bill, and I'm a Christian myself, but really? When you have a claim, you back it up. You don't really need to show a bunch of tests or a long list of statistics, just a clear rational and critical flow of ideas, and an explained way of thinking. WHICH IS NOT EVIDENT IN HIS BORDERLINE OFFENSIVE AND STUPID ARTICLE.


moving on..

"Here’s the summary of the advantages of divorce:

• Spouses will have a “second chance” for a happier life.
• Spouses will have a “second chance” for a non-violent life.
• …. “second chance”
• …. “second chance”
• …. “second chance”
• to be happy…
• to be happy…
• to be happy…."

Bro, come on. If you're trying to provide the perspective of both sides, can you try not being bias? or prejudiced? or sarcastic? or at least know what you're talking about. This guy is insane. It's people like this "discipler" that pave the way for falsely informed decision-making. He is also responsible for the negative perception of people on the Church, for perceiving them as blind irrational followers, which they are not. The Church has its good points. But this, clearly isn't one of them. 

The article, is bullshit, and the guy is insane.

Feel free to read the whole thing. Surprisingly, for a guy who speaks of Christianity and God, he pisses me off.

-- I have nothing against the Church and its contradictions on the Divorce Bill, I just really think this guy's article is insane. IT SHOULD NOT BE ON TOP OF THE RESULTS FOR DIVORCE IN THE PHILIPPINES! 

Burnout

Also one of the major causes of divorce is the phenomena, modern contemporary people call (a fancy name for the younger generation. hahaha), "burnout". Burnout like the name insists refers to the dying out of romance. Without any possible direct problem to point out to, burnout can be caused by a variety of things, such as the different individual changes a person has, or the factors brought by their current (as compared to their previous) situation. Burnout happens not only to married couples, but to couples in general. Its a very real-- thing. Which is pretty hard to explain.

Right! it was explained better by the movie "500 days of Summer" where in she referred to it as "Life happens" or life happening. Its the usual end to most relationships. And usually the "dead" end since not most couples are able to adapt or get over it.

For a better explanation, here's a song by Sugarfree. A prominent OPM band (that have recently just disbanded, sharing). It's a great song, with great lyrics, that has a very good emotional tune to it. The treatment is awesome, and without any background on the technicalities, i just think its a good song to explain the reality of the hardships couples have to go through. I mean really? What happens when the romance is gone? What happens when everything doesn't feel warm and fuzzy anymore. It doesn't mean that you don't love the person, its just that.. well.. a bad case of Burning out.  Here are the lyrics, and the link to the song. I really hope you'd listen to it, cause its really easier to get, rather than me explaining it.

Burnout
By Sugarfree

O wag kang tumingin
Ng ganyan sa ‘kin
Wag mo akong kulitin
Wag mo akong tanungin

Dahil katulad mo
Ako rin ay nagbago
Di na tayo katulad ng dati
Kay bilis ng sandali

O kay tagal kitang minahal
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/sugarfree/burnout.html ]
Kung iisipin mo
Di naman dati ganito
Teka muna teka lang
Kailan tayo nailang

Kung iisipin mo
Di naman dati ganito
Kay bilis kasi ng buhay
Pati tayo natangay

O kay tagal kitang minahal

Tinatawag kita
Sinusuyo kita
Di mo man marinig
Di mo man madama

O kay tagal kitang mamahalin

lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/sugarfree/#share7


Here is the link to the song. Go over the lyrics while listening. Solid experience.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C56WmFIvTPM

Stay Together for the Kids

"Stay Together for the Kids"
Blink 182
Is just one of the best "all time" hits from one of the most prominent bands in the late nineties to the early 2000, Blink 182. Still by far, my choice as the best punk-rock band ever (Sum 41 a very close second). This song is a perfect match for this blog. Mark Hoppus the bassist/vocalist, may have sung the chorus, and usually writes the songs, but it was Tom Delonge the guitarist/vocalist who wrote this particular one. It was released 2001, on their third album, "Take off your Pants and Jacket". The composer, Tom based both the tunes and the lyrics to his experience during his parents divorce in his early years.
The song if you've not hears it, tries to epitomize the feelings of the post divorce effects on a teenage boy. It sports a very sincere message despite the very loud treatment. The lyrics, which I posted under, speaks for itself, even without the sounds.

It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all.
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day.

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost.
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants and this is what 
she wants
Then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right 

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right x4 


Divorce deprives children of certain personal foundations and experiences. Its a very emotional account of just how bad or wrong it felt as a kid, for two of the most prominent figures splitting. So anyway, here's the link, just in case you'd spare the next three minutes to actually listening to the song. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1BFHYtZlAU


It's great song. The video, just as awesome. 

On Prevalent Themes and Personal Analysis

I've heard a lot from the testimonies, and have learned a lot also. So here is a quick run down on the many prevalent themes between the several testimonies shared. I will once again, disclaim my right for a academically justified analysis. Wala ako nun. This is just, me broadcasting thoughts. So, disclaimer aside, here are the things we've read. (Juuuust in case you've missed them, but I highly doubt anyone really is reading. Just saying)

Prevalent theme number one, the divorce bill should be passed to provide "More Options to accomodate More Situations". We've heard this from several different accounts. It is a very solid point. We've also seen from the different people we've sort of.. conversed with, an idea of just how different people can be. The background on each one alone is enough to provide the contrast that this idea is trying to point out. There must be a system that provides solutions not just to a specific public, but to many other necessary peoples.

Prevalent theme number two, "there should be a clear division between the Church and the State". Time and time again, people will always stress about the need to eliminate preference and bias when it comes to issues of the state. People should always acknowledge and respect the differences of other people. The Church should be more sensitive and responsible to its responsibility to be fair and just to everyone, even if it might means staying silence to ease the flow of intellectually sound decisions regardless of the bill's outcome. The Church has its points, we're aware of it, but it should stop there.

Love is still what fuels decisions inside the family. People still believe in the power of Love, and that most of the people that I've conversed with have put a great prime on Love being one of the main considerations of decisions. It may sound cheesy, but it has been a very prevalent answer don't you think? Love. The one bright hope for a happy and relatively healthy family.

So there you have it. We've said a lot of things, and we've heard a lot of them also. But here are just a few of the many things we've discussed. And now we get back to.. Yes, more testimonies. Cause its fun, informative, informal and pretty effective. HAHAHAHA.

Just Another Testimony (The Atheist)

Yup, just another Testimony, from friends and family. Its amazing how much people know, and how much people have been through. Even more amazing how much you learn from the very different ways they perceive things, and how they turn out to be amazing and intriguing individuals. Some of them more critical than the others. Like this guy for example.


The next guy on the list of many other testimonies (cause apparently, they're really fun to do) is "The Atheist". He's a cousin of mine who is in fact-- an atheist. He sees through all the "unnecessary", non-imperical and impractical things in life. He's a very critical boy, very young also. He's critical, but also very naive (I'd like to think so). He studies in Ateneo, and is the child of two very loving parents, Jethro and Ann. He likes to play the guitar, and loves the technical side and level of difficulty of musical parts (he loves the science in art, how ironic). He's a very unique personality, very frank, annoying sometimes, but you have to give him big points for sincerity and honesty. He is a very close friend of mine also. So I cornered him, and asked him his unadulterated view on things.


So.. The Atheist, what do you think about divorce?


"I think its practical. Mas marami siyang facets of separation na natatackle, at saka it provides the people with another option besides Annulment. Which is sort of stupid. Kasi its a very primitive way of dealing with things. 


You got a point there son. What else do you have?


"Well the Church is still stupid for being in denial of the things that happen in the country and in the world. Sure, they ask WHAT WOULD JESUS DO but sometimes they tend to forget that most of us ain't Jesus. We're not perfect, we don't know all the answers, and neither does the Church as an Institution."


Brutally frank, but, that is also a very solid point. Meron ka pa ba?


"We shouldn't always rely on the Church when it comes to decision making. That's what Filipinos lack, the backbone and assertiveness to make decisions for themselves. Sure, the Church makes sense, I was Christian once, and I've learned a lot from Sunday school. But divorce, and the RHB, is none of the Church's business. The institution wasn't built to decide for the government and block government interventions."


I've cleaned out the message, medyo marami siyang R18 na sinabi so.. there. But beyond his Atheist rants about the Church. He does have a point. It's not new to the previous testimonies, and that his opinion does indeed make sense. We'll give him that. 


"But then again, I have Christian parents who've raised me well. So I have nothing against Christian values. But not everyone can accommodate very critical decisions, and can responsibly fulfill Christian things. So there should still be guidance coming from laws from the State."


Yup, we got you the first time.


Thank You The Atheist

Just Another Testimony (Kuya Oscar)

I've decided to stick with the oldschool introduction, just so you know.. we don't forget about the parameters of these testimonies. It does not have any form of research framework, WALA. NOTHING. just saying HAHA. -disclaimer

During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.


Why not interview the underclass heroes of this country. People who have not necessarily finished formal schooling, but have been the backbone of this country's workforce. Underclass heroes like Kuya Oscar. Kuya Oscar is a family man. He loves his wife Josi, and his kid, Becky. He drives for a living. He's a little slow on directions and instructions, but neverthe less, his good personality is unquestionable. For people like Kuya Oscar, whose primary guide for ethical and moral decisions are based on what the government and Church tells him, he is one of the millions of Filipinos who are directly affected by possible legislations like the RHB and the Divorce Bill. I just had to ask Kuya Oscar what he thought about the topic. 


Kuya, sa tingin mo ba OK ang Divorce sa Pilipinas?


"Ah eh, Okay lang naman. Parang Annulment lang yun diba? Tama ba?"


Tama kuya, but only up to a very limited extent. Kuya Oscar doesn't know much about how these things really work. Kuya Oscar, along with the great majority of the Philippines' population. They know little about the details  and technicalities that specific bills like these consist of. This has nothing to do about his intellect, but the lack of information provided by the necessary people to the necessary people. And this puts the burden on the people who decide for them. For example the next Q & A.

After explaining what the differences were between divorce and annulment, I asked Kuya Oscar again.


"Ano ba panig ng simbahan? Kasi diba? Hindi ko naman alam gaano yang mga yan. Baka magkasala pa ako. Pero mahal ko naman pamilya ko, so hindi naman siguro. Hehe."


The next point is how huge the influence of the Church is to Filipinos. And the Church should understand this. That they are responsible for the many many lives of Filipinos like Kuya Oscar who depend on the Church for moral instruction.


"Siguro okay lang naman. Kung hiwalay odi hiwalay. Pero dapat hindi ganoon. Kawawa naman kasi yung mga bata."


Exactly. And this is the unadulterated glimpse on how people usually think. But people who know better should and have analyzed the problems better. People from the government, influential professionals and from the Church. Without necessarily having a stand, these people rely on both the State and the Church to provide them and guide them with choices and options. The testimony from Kuya Oscar just emphasizes the great ordeal and effect these bills have on many Filipinos without them having been completely aware of it.


This is the Philippines, whether its wrong or right, this really is the reality we live in.


Thank you Kuya Oscar.

Just Another Testimony (Rina)

Yup, just another Testimony, from friends and family. Its really amazing how much people know, and how much wisdom they have based on the things that they've been through. Even more amazing how much you learn from the very different ways they perceive things, and how they turn out to be amazing and intriguing individuals. I kinda feel lucky having interviewed and known all of them, I hope there is someone else besides me who appreciate what they have to say. ANYWAY. Here is another personality.


This entry's next guest, Rina. A college student, and a close friend of mine. She likes music, and has a knack for wearing big dirty looking shirts. She loves boys with scruff, and girls who have a nice rack. She also loves her friends, and family. She enjoys eating and sleeping. She's one of the most peculiar and interesting people i know, I say this in the best possible manner possible (get it?). She's a playful kid, who cannot be measured completely by the world's social yardstick. She's a very strong girl, who's got an equally strong personality. It took me a while to get her to talk about serious stuff, as she usually, well-- never gives a shit. 


Rina's parents have been separated for a pretty long time. Unlike most stories, Rina ended up with Daddy "Big Boy", a very "macho" person. She has struggled during the separation, and have experienced the stress separation can cause to children. But she has recently come into terms with reality, and have had to go through a number of ways for coping. Her accounts come from a first a hand experience of just how bad separation can be for a kid. Her views on the matter:


How do you feel about divorce?


"Pareho lang. Same as any separation other form of separation." 


Are you against it or for it?


"Hindi ko alam eh. Kasi, against din talaga ako sa separation. But then again, you know. Sometimes may mas deserving ng protection and support, like the kids. Sana rin kasi diba, may parang way to compensate yung iniwan, kesa sa nangiwan. Parang, for example, dapat may agreement rin na yung support constant parin, especially kapag may kids."


Soooo?


"I might be pro. Hahahahaha"


She has a point. Most cases of divorce, doesn't start out mutually. And that sometimes, there are people in fault, or there are parties that have to endure more responsibility for asking to haul ass and leave. There should be protection and support agreements that ease and balance out exits.


Do you want kids?


"Nope."


Husband?


"Nope. not really."


Sure?


"For now at least. I'm not supposed to be thinking about this shit. Cmon man"


Might be just coincidence that Rina chooses not to aspire for marriage and kids, or might not. Intriguing tho, don't you think?


Anyway. 


Thank You Rina.

Just Another Testimony (Tita Armin)

Yup, just another Testimony, from friends and family. Its amazing how much people know, and how much people have been through. Even more amazing how much you learn from the very different ways they perceive things, and how they turn out to be amazing and intriguing individuals. I'm lucky enough to have interviewed one of my most respected persons in the world, who so happens to be a really close relative, Tita Armin. This is her story, personally, who at the present sits at a very morally questionable crossroad.

Tita Armin (not her real name, which should be no longer a surprise) is a Mom of four college kids. She is a Widow, and has been for 8 years now. She's a very smart and compassionate woman, who (almost) singlehandedly raised four kids to become very independent and capable, young adults. She goes to Church, is the director of the Choir and Worship committee, and is a very devout Christian. However, her predicament raises a lot of questions, as she is currently in love and in an affair with a married man, a very old friend. Tito dicky, the married man, is currently on the rocks with his wife, but loves both Armin and his family.  Why is this information relevant? Because it shows in her answers, and what her thoughts are about the topic.

I asked her about what her views were about divorce, this was her response.

"Divorce is only a means to a choice. A choice that is neither right or wrong. Mahirap, kasi hindi mo talaga malalagyan ng standard ang desisyon ng tao. In the end, they will always have choices and the causality of these decisions. Whether or not its necessary, depends on who we're dealing with, but when we're dealing with a great population of people with a myriad of different possible scenarios, there should be more options that are able to accommodate them."

True. But doesn't the Church strongly say no to divorce? Isn't it against the teachings of scriptures?

"The Roman Catholic Church strongly disagrees. But I believe, that right and wrong can't be laid down as a standard which the Church in fact strongly fights for. The reality is, that there are many possible truths, individual truths, truths that sometimes don't make sense to other people, and sometimes do. The Church has to learn to accept this fact, that the world isn't two dimensional. Hindi siya black and white. The Bible has accommodated this truth, and its the same drive that has given it its girth to last many generations"

Strong.

"People make mistakes, and sometimes they are necessary. We make choices, that seem both wrong and right. The same way Romeo and Juliet, or Robin Hood, or other characters that were confronted with both admiration and detest cannot be judged or categorized into one absolute truth. Ganun din sa relationships. Diba? Love cannot be considered wrong, it has no standards. Love can push for divorce if it wanted to and still justified the choice. I'm just saying that people are confronted with tough choices, and that there should be options provided, and that there should be enough responsibility from people to determine and judge accordingly. There is no right and wrong way of dealing with things, and divorce is no exception."

I got nothin.

Thank you Tita Armin

Just Another Testimony (Tita Anna)

During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.


The next person I got a chance to talk to, and I've been talking to a lot of people, is a mother. Si Tita Anna, which is also not her real name. (Secretly amused by thinking up aliases. sharing.) Tita Anna is a mother to a single daughter, Lisa. She is the wife of a romantic musician, who plays good folk music in bars and lounges for a living. She is also a regular Church goer, she works as a clerk for a bank, and is content with her life. She enjoys people, and enjoys long conversations. She is my Tita, and she is a very compassionate person, which shows in her answers. She is against the Divorce bill but is Pro RHB, which is new to me. Here is her say on a few things about the topic.


"Masaya akong tao, pero that doesn't mean that I haven't experienced hard times in life. My family and my relationship with them is no exception. Pero naniniwala kasi ako sa kapasidad ng tao eh. Hindi mo naman kailangang maging matalino o mabilis para makagawa ng mga mabubuting desisyon. Kaya ako against sa Divorce."


She further explained how people, even under tough situations, especially Filipinos, have the ability to endure hardship. Which I believed and shared to her, was a double edged quality. She believed otherwise. 


"Iba rin kasi ang resilience. Being resilient means that you get to learn and accomplish things dahil hindi mo piniling mag-give up. Which is an outstanding quality of Filipino families."


True. But, there should be a fine line between being resilient, and being abused, which she also admitted was necessary.


"I am aware of the growing number of separations, but can you blame me for believing that love is stronger than any legislation?"


It was a breath of fresh air talking to a person who had a very positive way of thinking. I admire Tita Anna. She knew what she was talking about. She had experienced hardship and trials between her and her husband, but her resilience fueled their relationship.


"I'm proof diba? That love really works. And that marriages should be given that chance, no matter how bad it is, they should always be provided a chance to grow and learn from trials. Kasi ganoon talaga ang pagmamahal" (cheesy, hahahaha)


As much as it is very ideological, wouldn't we also want to believe that Filipino families are made stronger by trial and growth. That there is actually hope for every family, regardless of the situation. It's a long shot, but doesn't it make life brighter knowing that some people really do believe in the old-school way of looking at love. The Beatles couldn't have summed up that ideology by singing "All you need is love, Love is all you need." 


"Diba? Tao lang din tayo, at kung bibigyan lang ng easy way out lahat ng couples, eh papaano nalang tayo niyan? I have faith in people, and their capacity to love. Don't you?"


I'd like to think I do.
Thank you Tita Anna.

Just Another Testimony -Uncle Ramon

During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.


The second installment to the series of testimonies, is a Father, a dad to three children, and a husband to a loving wife. He is a doctor, who loves taking pictures, and enjoys the occasional trip to the gym. He is a good dad who works during the day, has dinner with his family at night, and spends time helping the kids with daily lessons. He's my uncle, who, for conversation's sake, will be named Uncle Ramon. Uncle Ramon gladly shared his views on the matter. He's openly pro-divorce (pro RHB too, sharing.) and has a few things to say about the topic.


"Una sa lahat, dapat divided ang gobyerno tsaka simbahan. Dapat dalawang magkaibang entity yan. Hindi pupuwedeng tutulan ng simbahan ang mga desisyong pambayan, at hindi lamang pang Kristyano. I go to Church every Sunday, I bring my kids and family to Church, but I also know that there are parts of and people in the Philippines who need certain legislations as guides to help mediate conflicts. Hindi naman tanga ang gobyerno eh (yung iilan lang sakanila)."


I could have not agreed more Uncle Ramon. The government does what it thinks is best for the country. The Church is a strong and good influence to people, but it should not hinder different kinds of legislation for ideology's sake.


"Hindi paraiso ang mundong to. Shit happens, and the Church only acknowledges this up to a certain extent. Sometimes this leads them to a much narrow minded thinking, which does not usually well with constantly changing times. Diba kaya nga nadivide ang Church at saka State, for the sake of progress."


True enough.


 "Sa trabaho ko (Doctor), I get to converse with people on a daily basis. Hindi niyo alam kung gaano kadami ng pasyente ko ang biktima ng marital violence. Naging kultura na ito, na dapat tolerant lang tayong lahat. Eh papaano naman yun, hindi na tolerance yun eh, oppression na. We really need to restructure the way we think."


Word.


"At isa pa. I love my kids, and I love my family. Pero when the time comes (na sana hindi naman mangyari) na hindi na kami good terms with my wife, I want what's best for both her and my family. At paminsan, hindi na pupuwedeng personal judgement nalang. Laging papasok ang bias ko sa sarili ko, ganun rin siguro sa ibang mga cases. Kailangan talaga ng mediating entity at saka legislation."


You have a good point sir. 
Thank you, Uncle Ramon.

Just Another Testimony (Johnson)

During my pursuit for something "bloggable", I've arranged a few series of testimonies from different people. I think that a good way to work on knowing what's best for everyone, is knowing first what everyone thinks. So for the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be talking it out with different friends and family to well, hear what they have to say. No surveys, no formal interviews, nothing. No names, since it isn't necessarily needed, and since most of them, have chosen to you know-- be anonymous.Nothing but good old conversation on what they know, feel, or say about divorce, and why it should or shouldn't be allowed in the Philippines.

The first victim is a close friend of mine. A college student who we will hide under the name, Johnson. Who is Johnson? Johnson's a college student, he's filipino, he likes sports, he's got a really upbeat personality, very down to earth, and a free spirited young man. He's 19ish years old and he's got a lot of friends. Johnson is your everyday healthy college boy. For a healthy college boy, he is a good product of well-- (for the lack of a better term)an unorthodox family setting.

His parents got separated with him at a very young age. He's got two rooms in two houses, two homes. Everyday he chooses which house to come home to, his father's or mother's. This has been left to his discretion ever since he turned seventeen. He's got two brothers, and two other step-siblings. He loves his parents equally, and has understood the terms of their situation, separated. His step-family (mom's side) treats him the same way they'd treat any blood relative. His mom and dad meet from time to time, civil conversations over coffee or dinner. Although they no longer share the same love they once had for each other, they love Johnson, and have restructured and have completely overhauled their life to better accommodate the life of their kids.

So what did he have to say about divorce.

When I asked Johnson, how he felt having a relatively "big" family he said--

"I don't actually know how to answer the question since I've never really had a small family. I was also too young to remember how it felt being in a "small" family. Ikaw ba, how do you feel living with a (relatively) normal family?"

Johnson felt secure, indifferent from everyone else. He did not think of himself or of his family different than what others felt. Which is a good thing.

When asked about divorce and annulment and which one he preferred more, he said--

"Pareho lang siguro, kung divorce o annulment. Pareho lang din namang separation eh. Pareho lang rin sila ng gustong gawin. Depende nalang din sa sitwasyon ng tao. Kasi paminsan talaga baka kelanganin ng mom-- or pati na rin siguro dad ng protection at saka more valid terms for separation. Paminsan naman, hindi na. So depende nalang din. Katulad siguro ni Mama at saka ni Papa na hindi na kinailangan ng documents or process para i-dictate kung papaano dapat sila maghihiwalay, pero hindi lahat ganun."

He explained two clear points. People are very different (1), who deal with problems differently(2). What does this mean? Johnson, throughout beyond his quoted lines, believed that both options should be provided to families in need. He believed that there was also a need to accommodate a variety of possible scenarios by the country's legislation. He also said that most people blindside the fact that some relationships never work out, but they don't necessarily have to end up badly.

"Tingnan moko? Okay naman ako diba?"

Sometimes having proper options to choose from, for that matter, having more options affected the changes that comes with separation. Why not provide both? Both Annulment and Divorce. It tries to solve the same problem, and provide treatment to the same wound.

"Kung kailangan divorce? Bakit hindi? Eh kung kailangan ng Annulment? O, bakit hindi rin. Naiintindihan ko ng onti yung feelings nung mga taong naghihiwalay, at paminsan talaga, kailangan ng pagpipilian at saka tamang guidance legally. Kaya yun."

Thanks Johnson.